Onward & Upward: This Is Only The Beginning

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According to Tina, ‘love’ shouldn’t have had a damn thing to do with staying in a toxic relationship and that we should all be tin men. TBH I cannot argue with that, hell it would probably cut down on a lot of emotional drama and heartache. Now I’m pretty sure you’ve already heard that Cardi B recently filed a divorce petition. If not, you can reference the corresponding links at your leisure. Love seemingly, has become harder to attain and even more difficult to preserve.In today’s microwave society, is it even possible to develop and maintain that strong feeling of attraction, affection, and admiration for one person for an extended period of time? Being that time is relative,how long is considered enough? A few months, one year, three years, fifty? And, who is defining love these days? Social media, peers, family, or greater society? 

There is this little word called loyalty that people love to throw around especially when someone decides to jump ship and exit a relationship. When this happens, the person who was left behind often initiates a smear campaign of sorts or touts the disloyalty of the individual who left. Oftentimes, depending on the parties involved, the person who hollers the loudest is the one that garners all of the support and attention. Once their message catches on and begins to resonate with those who have been slighted or have felt jilted, it is difficult for the disloyal individual to rectify themselves; and, not that they should have to. Little to no attention is given to the person who is in their feelings where these toxic behaviors may have stemmed from and contributed to that person’s exit. 

In the case of Cardi B and Offset, the public was privy to some of the personal things that transpired between the couple as it related to infidelity but, they made it through. This is why I don’t get all of the criticism ovee her decision to leave. Hell, I’m certain she probably stayed the first few times due to love and, what says loyalty more than a woman who stands by a man after she knowingly and he publicly cheats on her. Not only did she stay, but she stood by him too, publicly defending both her decision and his character. Or, what about the sitch between Emily B. and rapper Fabolous who came under fire back in 2018 for reportedly knocking longtime girlfriend, Emily B’s, teeth out. Now the couple is expecting their 3rd child together. The internet of course wasn’t trying to hear it and she received the brunt of the backlash for getting pregnant after the domestic incident. Yet, the same internet is bashing Carddi for throwing in the towel. Does she have to wait around for a domestic dispute to pop off before it’s okay to leave? Oh and given the circumstances, she may have a difficult time being believed or get accused of hiring herself for attention. So yea, don’t talk to me about loyalty because there are too many receipts to go around. 

The real question is why does this collective mindset exist that continues to put women, especially black women, in compromising positions? When we ask for help we are accused of being weak or asking for a hand-out. If we leave a toxic sitch or decide to date outside of our race we are ridiculed and called sell-outs. Be clear, the notion of ride or die was and should only be reserved for Bonnie & Clyde because this so-called loyalty is not always reciprocated. People value loyalty and that’s dope, but it is not always applied appropriately. Seriously, these double standards, especially when it comes to black women are too much. Like for real, how come cancel culture never seems to make its way around to the MFs who really are deserving until it’s too late(Grammarly me later)? Perhaps it’s because we live in a society where misogyny is pervasive and the need to place people on pedestals gives many something to aspire to. Hell between groupthink and social media, it’s a wonder the #metoo movement was even a thing. Seriously, did groupthink and denial allow us to collectively overlook R. Kelly for as long as we did? 

Here’s the thing, life is hard and IMO relationships are harder. Most of us barely do a decent job of being loyal and accountable to ourselves let alone someone else. Legit, how many times have we let ourselves down with failed goals and missed opportunities. My point knowing better doesn’t always equal doing better. At the end of the day we are all human and if there’s one thing we can always count on; people are always gonna people and do people things.


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